Looking & Seeing
by lege et lacrima
Summary: Sirius Black does a lot of looking, but he very rarely sees anything. - Slashy one-shot - Sirius/Remus - Legs -


Procrastinating on my other stories? Wanting to write something from a more Sirius-y POV for a change? Who cares? It's cute. Read it. Enjoy it. :)

**Disclaimer**: I own nothing whatsoever.

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><p><span>Looking &amp; Seeing<span>

Sirius Black did a lot of looking; anyone who knew anything about him could tell you that. He was easily distracted, and his eyes tended to wander when he wasn't focused. More than often, you would find him staring out the window in class, gazing into the distance during a Quidditch match, or watching his plate expectantly while Dumbledore made a speech before a feast.

But if you asked Sirius himself, he'd tell you that he looked, but he very rarely _saw _anything. Or any_one_.

He first cast his eyes upon James Potter whilst they were on the train to Hogwarts, to start their First Year there. They got on like a house on fire; James was a lot like Sirius, but with nicer parents. Also, James was a bit of a show-off, because, Sirius reasoned, he didn't have any natural beauty, so he made up for it by acting the big man.

James was an easy person to read. He wore his heart on his sleeve, and wasn't afraid to say exactly what he was thinking. No-one knew this better than Lily Evans, to whom James had been professing his love for as long as anyone could remember.

Despite this, Sirius didn't properly see James until midway through their Third Year. It was when they had finally worked it out, after all those years. Those monthly visits to sick relatives and all the other excuses were no match for the sleuthing skills of James, Sirius, and to a lesser extent Peter.

The three of them confronted Remus one night soon after a full moon.

"You're a werewolf, aren't you?" James had said, and he kept pressing and pressing until Remus finally caved in and admitted it. He almost looked disgusted with himself.

Peter looked at Remus in awe. Sirius didn't know quite what to say, so he just kept quiet and hoped that his upbringing wouldn't show. But James grinned broadly, and said at the top of his voice "that is WICKED!"

Remus had smiled bitterly, and said "I'm glad _someone_ thinks so. Most people would have run a mile by now."

"We'd never leave you, would we, fellows?" James said brightly.

"'Course not," Peter said after a moment, "we're a team."

Sirius would probably have added something affirming, but he was too busy appreciating his best friend's honesty and strength of character.

"Sirius?" James asked.

"I don't blame him if he's a little shocked," Remus said, "he is a _Black_, after all..."

"I'm not shocked," Sirius said, "I'm impressed."

And he was a _little_ bit impressed that Remus was a werewolf, but he was more impressed by James, Peter, and surprisingly enough, himself, for accepting it the way they did.

Despite spending a fair bit of time with him, Sirius never really saw Peter Pettigrew. To Sirius, Peter was more of a superficial friend than anything else. He hung around with them, he contributed to their pranks occasionally, and he was tight with the house elves, so he could get them snacks at any hour. But that was about it.

Peter was hard to miss in a crowd, he was so wide, but to Sirius he barely registered - not when there were so many other interesting sights.

Around the end of his third year, Sirius discovered girls. Of course, he'd known of their existence before then, but he'd never deemed them particularly important. And then all of a sudden he started noticing things about girls that he was _sure_ hadn't been there before, like their boobs and the length (or lack thereof) of their skirts.

For quite a while after that, Sirius didn't really have time to look at much else - he was too busy chasing the ladies. And with such natural _charm_ and _charisma_, the ladies didn't seem to mind. In no time at all, Sirius was a notorious womanizer, with a different girlfriend every month or so. He got tired of them quickly. After all, they were pretty much all the same. Nice to look at, but essentially the same.

And then one day something strange happened. Sirius started noticing _boys_.

It wasn't that girls became any less attractive, it was just that sometimes Sirius preferred his own gender. So he started dabbling in the promising world of bisexuality, and soon found it to be jolly good fun.

He had more fun than the whole of Gryffindor combined, what with his pranking and frequent shagging. Sirius thought that there wasn't really anything new to see.

But he was wrong.

Sirius first saw Remus Lupin, properly, after a particularly bad period in their friendship. Sirius had given a tip-off to Severus Snape about the werewolf on the school grounds, and... well, things had happened, which had resulted in a near-death experience for some, and an indefinite period of cold shoulders for others.

Remus wasn't talking to Sirius. He wasn't so much as _looking_ at him. It was painful. Sirius hadn't really realised how much he needed Remus until Remus stopped needing him.

Eventually, James had grown sick of their not talking, and forced Sirius to go and apologise (for the umpteenth time).

"Remus! Don't say anything, just listen. I need to apologise... you know... for all of it. It wasn't right of me to do that to—"

Remus looked up at that point, and that was when Sirius _saw_ him for the first time. There was an odd look on his face, somewhere between disappointment and resignation. He didn't even seem angry. He just looked at Sirius like he was the most pitiful thing he'd ever seen. It was at that very moment that Sirius realised a lot of things, many of which could not be repeated in polite society.

"Look, I can't say I'm sorry about Snivellus," Sirius said, changing his tactic immediately. James, who was watching from the sidelines, slapped his hand to his forehead.

"What I _am_ sorry about," Sirius continued, "was the shit I put you through. Merlin, I'd throw Snivellus to the lions and I wouldn't even blink, but if I ever do something like that to you again, I'd... I don't know what I'd do! I'd..."

Sirius stopped. Remus was _grinning_. He was actually properly smiling like Sirius had never seen him smile before, and James was looking like he'd just seen the giant squid jump out of the Lake and do a Highland jig.

"Sirius Black," Remus said, "those are the most fantastic words I've _ever_ heard coming out of your mouth. The most _honest_."

Sirius mirrored Remus's grin. "Friends again?"

"Friends again," Remus confirmed.

James couldn't have been more astonished.

Sirius had said "friends", but now he had something more on his mind. He started to notice more and more things about Remus, like how his hair fell quite perfectly around his face, and how his eyes took on a delightful shine when he was concentrating, and how he managed to act the innocent but still prove himself to be the most mischievous of Marauders on occasion.

Now, when Sirius should have been concentrating in class, he was staring at Remus out of the corner of his eye. During Quidditch games, he was more transfixed by Remus's smile when Gryffindor scored a goal than by the goal itself. And at the tables in the Great Hall, he couldn't have cared less what was on his place, as long as Remus was within his field of vision.

The other girls and boys suddenly became part of the scenery - well, not even that. They just blended into the background, and Sirius stopped noticing them.

It was just Remus.

Sometimes, Sirius would pretend to be studying when he, James and Peter joined Remus in the Library, but he would actually just sit there and watch him. It wasn't going to help him through his Sixth Year exams, but damn it was a good way to pass a bit of time.

"Sirius?"

Then again, Remus was also quite observant.

"Sirius," he hissed, "are you awake there?"

"Oh!" Sirius said, forcing himself to alertness. "Yes, yes..."

"You've been staring at me for the last half hour or so."

"Have I?" Sirius asked, feigning ignorance.

"You have, actually," Peter said. "It's kinda funny."

"Yeah, man," James said, smiling slyly, "you do it more than studying."

"Do _what_?" Sirius asked testily.

"Stare at things," James elaborated, "mostly Moony."

Remus blushed slightly. "Don't be stupid, James."

"He does, though!" James said. "He stares you down!"

Remus didn't dignify that with a response, and instead went back to his study. James huffed and begrudgingly turned back to his textbook. But Sirius couldn't draw his eyes away from that smashing shade of red that was emerging on Remus's cheeks.

"Sirius, stop it!" Remus snapped. "You're staring again!"

"I can't help it!" Sirius whined, and immediately regretted it. It was tantamount to an admission of guilt.

"What do you mean?" Remus asked.

"It's the colour of your cheeks," Sirius said in an attempt to explain, "it's just so distracting."

By now, James and Peter had looked up from their books out of interest in this exchange.

"What?" Remus said in a harsh whisper, touching a hand to his cheek self-consciously. "Why?"

"It just _is_, okay?"

"I can't study like this," Remus said. "I'm going."

As he gathered his books and got up to leave, Sirius stared after him, not knowing what else to do.

"Boy, you blew _that_ one," James said, sending a mocking look in Sirius's direction.

_I wish_, Sirius thought, snickering on the inside.

"Well?" James said after a few moments. "Go after him, you dolt!"

"I suppose I should," Sirius said, slightly distractedly. He pulled out his chair and didn't even bother to take his stuff.

There were really only three places Remus could be – the common room, their dorm or the Prefects' bathroom – and since Sirius didn't like the _aura_ of that bathroom, and didn't exactly know the password, he settled for the common room, followed by the dorm if that failed.

A quick scan of the common room told him that Remus definitely wasn't there. The Marauders had their _spot_, and anyone who dared to sit _near_ it was consigned to a grim fate.

Wasting no time, Sirius dashed up the stairs to the dorm. Worst possible scenario, Remus wouldn't be there, and Sirius would give up and maybe take advantage of the fact that he was alone in there and have a wank.

Best possible scenario, Remus would be taking advantage of the fact that he was alone in there and having a wank, and would invite Sirius to join in.

What greeted Sirius was somewhere in the middle. Remus was indeed in the dorm, and was lying bottoms-up on his bed, his face buried in a pillow.

"Remus... ?" Sirius began gingerly. "Sorry for staring at you," he said rather stupidly.

"S'okay," Remus said, his voice muffled by his pillow.

Not knowing what else to do, Sirius sat down on the edge of Remus's bed. He put a hand on Remus's shoulder.

"You know," Remus said, "I don't mind if you stare at me."

Sirius was slightly taken aback. He opened his mouth to form words, but nothing came out.

"Just don't do it when the others are around. They notice these things."

"Wow," Sirius said, "I thought I was going to have to do a full-blown apology."

"Never," Remus said, "not after _that_ apology."

Sirius laughed to himself. Remus pulled himself up and perched next to Sirius on the bed. "I think," he began contemplatively, "that that was the first time I _really_ saw you, Sirius. I mean, I know we've been friends for ages, but... but when you apologised for the Snape incident, it was almost like you were a new person to me. Does that make sense?"

"Perfect sense," Sirius said. "I had a similar moment."

Remus grinned, much like he had grinned when Sirius had the aforementioned moment. Acting impulsively, Sirius slid his hand across and placed it over Remus's. He had a mental jubilation when Remus didn't push his hand off. And then his mind stopped rejoicing, he thought _Bugger it, I'm going in for the kill_.

Sirius took his other hand and wrapped it around Remus's face, giving him the goddamn snogging of a lifetime. Remus surprised Sirius (not for the first time that day) and kissed him back with such force, flinging Sirius backward and pinning him to the bed.

As he let a hand make its merry way down to a certain backside that it had always wanted to squeeze, Sirius thought to himself that he'd be doing a _lot_ more looking at Remus in the future.

xxx

"James," Peter whined, "I'm _bored_ of studying! Can't we go back to the dorm already?"

"Not yet," James said, checking his watch.

"But Sirius and Remus—"

"Let's give them a few more minutes, shall we?" James said, cutting him off.

"A few more minutes for _what_?" Peter asked. "Those two come out of arguments faster than a Snitch."

"Exactly," James said, grinning.

"I don't get it!" Peter protested.

James didn't answer; he just went back to his studying.

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You know you want to.

- _Legs_


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